Jesse

chevyvann @ 2006-04-19T21:29:00

2006-04-20T02:39:49Z

Ok. So, Jonathan Brandis is dead... Jonathan Gregory Brandis...can you believe that. He died on November 12, 2003. I just found out tonight. :( He hung himself. I know, right. That is messed up. I'm really sad now. His death is a day after my birthday ... how can I ever have a good birthday again?? Would anyone care to tell me?

Neverending Story II

Sidekicks

Ladybugs

Seaquest

older

And by the way, I'm being serious so don't make jokes or I'll get very angry. Thank you.

chevyvann @ 2006-03-01T14:01:00

2006-03-01T20:01:18Z

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.

You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

chevyvann @ 2006-02-02T12:52:00

2006-02-02T18:52:57Z

they are getting popular. popularity sells, hot topic sells popularity.

chevyvann @ 2005-12-04T19:57:00

2005-12-05T02:00:08Z

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.7
Mind:	5.2
Body:	5.1
Spirit:	5.8
Friends/Family:	5.3
Love:	1.5
Finance:	2.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

chevyvann @ 2005-08-01T00:34:00

2005-08-01T05:34:33Z

I almost missed the freakin' bandwagon... why didn't someone call me?

1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
3. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
4. I will tell you my first memory of you.
5. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
7. Put this in your journal.

chevyvann @ 2005-06-21T19:23:00

2005-06-22T00:24:26Z

High Tension is a messed up movie...

chevyvann @ 2005-06-11T02:32:00

2005-06-11T07:35:15Z

I have a bit of a problem...
Ashley wants me to go to her family's lakehouse Sunday---Wednesday, BUT... I am the only person that knows how to work the new sound eqipment at my church for the sunday morning and evening service and for the sednesday service... and my car sucks and it probably wouldn't make it there and back...

So, i need to teach someone how to run the sound stuff and i need someone to let me borrow their car.

that's all,
thanks,
Jesse

chevyvann @ 2005-06-10T12:26:00

2005-06-10T17:26:50Z

What's Apryl's phone number?

chevyvann @ 2005-05-23T22:54:00

2005-05-24T04:00:33Z

Is wanting to be in some sort of band a childish goal? I know you're probably thinking..."He was real bad at B.O.B., he has no chance, poor delusional guy" , but i'm hoping that some practice can maybe help. I don't know. Probably not, but still, I need something to hold on to. What about wanting to be an actor in your own comedy skit show?
I was just wondering.

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-05-16T18:27:00

2005-05-16T23:27:47Z

The Best poem --

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

chevyvann @ 2005-05-14T15:21:00

2005-05-14T20:21:12Z

F moodle. F moodle in the A.

chevyvann @ 2005-05-09T23:12:00

2005-05-10T04:19:30Z

It's the latest in my suicide series...

---------------------------------------
The wood creaks as the crude rope knot
pulls on the beam with a young boy's force.
His kicking off of second thoughts
is soon replaced by a rhythmic oscillation.
The pendulum of the grand, old clock
mirrors the movement until they both find peace.

-Jesse Vann
---------------------------------------

this is the one that kind of led me to that one...

---------------------------------------
unfetter me from friendship.
take the shackles off my hands.
not so i can run away.
but directly into you.

it would help if you felt the same
and didn't always speak his name.
you leave me a noose of despair.
---------------------------------------

chevyvann @ 2005-05-08T15:16:00

2005-05-08T20:18:42Z

Ok, since nobody is reading my stuff anymore... i can just put whatever i want...

So, i'm going to pick a line or two from each song on the Silverstein CD and put them up here...

-----------------------------------------------------------
Smashed Into Pieces -- "How can I stop you from crushing my soul? It was yours to begin with."

Red Light Pledge -- "Promise me you will stay here until the darkness will fade, I'd wait for you."

Giving Up -- "You've laid yourself to sleep, I never said this wouldn't hurt. You gave up everything; I never said I'd give it back. I know you'll never change; I won't be good enough for you. I know, you'll make it through, I'll never be around to see."

November -- "It broke my heart. It felt so good to see you. I've never been one to put my trust in. When did I become so weak, or have I always been?"

Last Days Of Summer -- "Beneath my eyes I feel the tears, I hold back. I won't leave this way again. As my legs start to shake, I feel nothing. I wanted you, I needed you, but you weren't there for me this time."

Bleeds No More -- "My heart bleeds no more now. It's been turned to stone. Your stomach feels sick for someone else. I've broken my legs falling for you. Drag me on the ground. Powerless I stand tarnished blade cutting through pushed into my vein, blood still stains my hands sharpening my sense of pain outside."

Hear Me Out -- "Did you mean all those things you said? Even when you said you'd never change? Writing you letters you never read. Waste my breath on paper."

The Weak And The Wounded -- "I have laid upon a deadman's bed, only to fall into a trap of lies and seduction that rivals the greatest sense of love. Play it back until the voice becomes just a sound. Penetrate my mind with all these images of you. I have given up an angel's kiss."

Wish I Could Forget You -- "You won't repeat this for the rest of the crowd. I know they will miss but you'll still feel proud. Say it's gold, say it's fine. The secret's out that you're mine."

When Broken Is Easily Fixed -- "Ignorance is bliss I wish I could never love you. So ironic that a heart made by man, when broken is easily fixed. But a human hurt can last a lifetime."

Waiting Four Years -- "I gave you everything, but it just wasn't enough to make you stay. You said you'd give me time and space again. I asked to see you everyday. Now I'm waiting four years just to feel your touch, waiting four whole years to say how much I care. The flowers I gave you, died, lost and been thrown away, just like me. Life has passed me by, reflected in my eye. Never again will I have you beside me, you to be there. The years behind cost more than I'll ever have. Now I'm waiting four years just to hear your voice, waiting four whole years to lie right by your side. I waited all this time, just to see your smile. I waited all this time to say how much I care. Can you see me waiting for you everyday?"

Friends In Fall River -- "Your life lives half a nation away, my heart hurts so. I believe letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life. What did I do? Alone and confused. What can I say? What can I do? I'm heading the wrong way home. Knowing alone is alone. It's just too difficult to be just me instead of we. What did I do? Alone and confused. What can I say? Nothing. I don't know where to begin since you left me for him. I don't know where to begin and you left me for him. I don't want to start again, and I can't be your friend. I don't know where to begin since you left me for him."

Summer's Stellar Gaze -- "As time passes us by and hurries us with pride, we'll have the past for the rest of our lives. Don't lose touch with reality, compensate for life's stupidity. I wait for it."

My Consolation -- "I won't forget everything that you put us through. Every night, I see you there. Everyday, I hate you. Crying can't carry you back to me."

Forever And A Day -- "I hope every time he breaks your heart you think of me and how I was to you. Everything's falling apart. One day you'll see just how good I was. And I thought that we'd be together forever."

Dawn Of The Fall -- "And I'll start to think of everything we had. I was always there for you I asked for nothing in return I swear. I'll believe, you'll make you see."

--------------------------------------------------------------

chevyvann @ 2005-05-02T20:41:00

2005-05-03T01:59:47Z

ok... some stuff that i've scribbled over the past few weeks...

-------------------------------------------------
My will won't be broken
you can try all you want
i've made up my mind
i'm moving on now
towards my own life...
-------------------------------------------------
I've reached a point where i have to decide
either remain a mute and slowly turn to gray
or...
-------------------------------------------------
Every girl I meet is beautiful, but you blow them all away.
-------------------------------------------------
I want to be close to you
much closer than you suspect.
I want my arms, my body,
to be your cocoon of love.

Metamorphasize into
someone who will love me back
someone who for me is haughty.
Someone who you'll never be...
-------------------------------------------------
Love is truly giving to other's benefit for which you expect nothing in return.
~~I love you if~~ ~~I love you because~~ I love you.
-------------------------------------------------

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-05-01T21:55:00

2005-05-02T02:58:29Z

You scored as Raphael. You need to relax and stop being so paranoid. But on the other hand your dark, secretive personality keeps you out of trouble. Just try to loosen up!

</td>

Raphael

64%

April O'Neil

57%

Michaelangelo

57%

Donatello

43%

Leonardo

39%

Mater Splinter (The Rat)

25%

Which teenage mutant ninja turtle are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

chevyvann @ 2005-04-19T20:04:00

2005-04-20T01:13:23Z

Here is something weird I wrote on Sunday...

I used brave and bold because it sounds cool...

---------------------------------------------
My Brave and Bold Assumptions

These are my assumptions
they're both brave and bold
Please don't be offended
I'm not well versed in love
and still rather naive

You see all the things you want in him are
already in me. You know that I know you so
much better than he ever will, and I care
for you so much more than he ever will. But
for some reason you can't see me. I'm standing
right in front of you, staring starry-eyed
while you just look right through me. But my
child-like faith, child-like stupidity, keeps
me close to you. Keeps me believing that
eventually you'll see, eventually we'll be,
the perfect couple, you and me.
----------------------------------------------

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-04-12T18:05:00

2005-04-12T23:08:37Z

Nine millimeters of passion
are tearing through my skull.
The exit wound's a heart shaped hole
that's still smoking while I fall.

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-04-09T09:50:00

2005-04-09T14:56:47Z

wow, last night sucked alot for Manhattan Affair...
Everything that could have possibly gone wrong, went wrong...
Enrique and David got held up in traffic, Matt and I got held up because Matt's car was overheating...
I didn't know that I could've taken the mic off of the stupid stand...
I forgot a whole freakin' verse... in a song I wrote...
Enrique forgot his drum parts...
Nobody on stage could hear Juan's guitar, which is what we all use for timing and changes...
Nobody in the crowd could hear David's guitar...
we didn't get to do our screaming song (Espuma)...

It was horrible
I can't go to school ever again.

-Jesse

chevyvann @ 2005-04-07T21:35:00

2005-04-08T02:46:58Z

Goodness!

BOB is tomorrow... I don't think we're ready... One of our songs isn't very good at all... My voice is stupid... I'm working on lyrics for the third song right now, and they're not coming out too well... ::sigh:: take a look at what I have...

------------------------------------------
(1st and 3rd are soft, 2nd is hard, and the little last is meant to be spoken...)

conversations, tainted letters
drenched in gasoline
my conviction, your confession
you got the best of me
so now i'm getting rid of everything
that holds a memory of you
scrape your flavor off my lips
until the savor's replaced with blood

I never wanna see your face again
Come back here and your make-up'll paint my fist
I've seen enough of your stupid grin
To realize that we can never co-exist
Can't believe I fell for you in the first place
Your lies -- size 50 font and boldfaced
What is so clear now, was then just a haze
Your bloodless body disallows love from ever catching ablaze
Cut your tether free from my heartstrings
You're no longer a part of me.

conversations, tainted letters
drenched in gasoline
my conviction, your confession
you got the best of me
so now i'm burning up everything
that holds a memory of you
let the fire cleanse your sins
let it cleanse me of you

I'll eat the ashes in remembrance of all you put me through.
The bitter taste no different from you.
-------------------------------------------------

It's not about anybody in particular(in case you were wondering) I just
wrote it from a fictional, extremely hurt guys point of view...

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-04-07T02:33:00

2005-04-07T07:40:46Z

This one is

---------------------------------------
The day was beautiful, sun shining warm
The picnic was set, no chance for a storm.
A gentle south breeze danced your hair into
Tangles that later I'd so happily
Brush out with my fingers while we watch TV.
Then he came and sat down right next to you,
And I knew that all of my dreams were through
When you put your head on his shoulder and
Started to laugh. The very same laugh from
A time before, when it was just us,
When I was more than just second choice brand.
More than some loser who just waits for crumbs
Of your love that he wipes off in disgrace.
He is ashamed of what I would embrace.
Embarrassed by a girl for whom I'd stand
Up for when all have left her in the end.
-----------------------------------------

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-04-04T20:18:00

2005-04-05T01:26:54Z

My grandma is the most unsupportive parental figure in the world.
She asked me why I was more worried with a band that was never gonna go anywhere than I was with my schoolwork.
And she wants to meet the other members and their parents... because I guess she thinks I can't choose the right people to hang out with. I wonder what she's going to do when I leave? Come meet all of my friends and make trips to meet all of their parents? And make sure the band I'm in is ok?

SHE MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.

I'm going to go punch stuff now.

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-04-03T21:06:00

2005-04-04T02:12:43Z

Here is something I wrote this morning

-------------------------------------
Mingled with Weeping

...as long as you both shall live?
I do.
And the wedding wine was drank
mingled with weeping.

Congratulations!
It's a beautiful baby girl.
And a gentle, loving kiss was shared
mingled with weeping.

Happy Anniversary, Honey.
I love you.
And a night of reminiscing was
mingled with weeping.

Just sign the papers...
FINE!
And a lonely name was signed in ink
mingled with weeping.
-----------------------------------

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-04-02T18:21:00

2005-04-03T00:22:49Z

Yeah, so... Manhattan Affair is awesome, but I think I'm just pulling them down... I suck...

I don't think we're gonna do so well at BOB... :(

I don't have any hair...

ok, that's all... It's hard to sneak computer time in :(

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-03-30T21:14:00

2005-03-31T03:29:23Z

A new one...

----------------------------
Inner Sanctum
When night falls, I hide from all
Seek refuge in the catacombs
Eyes cloudy from the cataracts
The deluge looks to overflow
and drown me in this grave

Cleansing salt, Burn my blood
Not truly pure unless it hurts
Scrape the rust out of my heart
Not truly pure until it's bleached
Scrape the color from my soul
Vivid, vicious blue
Brilliant, biting brown
Turn to snow
------------------------------

-Jesse Vann

chevyvann @ 2005-03-30T09:30:00

2005-03-30T17:30:43Z

Here's what I did in physics with Will yesterday...

It's a freestlye writing thing. We each wrote one line and then passed the paper.

-------------------------------------------------
I don't know what I'm going to say
Everything seems dreary and gray and I wish for a yesterday
All because she broke my heart, broke my soul, thanks, seriously
It's fate, I see, to be what she made of me
The reason I cry at night and make myself bleed
It's a season of dying, fright because she won't concede
no matter how strong my might, how strong I fight, you don't notice me
you splattered my heart, I'm wrong, that bites, JUST GO TO ME
your flattered sweetheart doesn't know you like I do
you matter so much to me, just talk to me! but I know you don't like to
fine! screw him, screw you too. I'm sick of trying to win you
I wish you were mine, I knew from the moment I saw you, out of the blue
your wonderful outline, your magical appearance, all that is you
looks so divine, brings my vein to the knife, now this is my life
my life -- could've been yours, but you refused -- filled me with strife
the one thing derived from this torment of mine is nothing but horror
this torrent of feelings -- abhorrent -- you're feeling -- now I'm dead on the floor
blood-red all the more, heart-peeling and gore cause of the spirit destroyer
ripping my limbs from my body -- kicked in the side with a spur
simply on whims, it's ungodly how I wished to be by her
It's pathetic how much I cry for her -- how willing I am to die for her
I'm frenetic, why is it that she's the only one that catches my eye
no matter how hard I try, she's the only one I cannot despise
my insides go dry when I hear she's with another guy
when I think of them together, my stomach twists and turns into knots -- projectile feelings when I think of all he's got
I feel like there's a rock, I'm totally off my block, internal workings stopped...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Try and guess which person wrote which lines...